What Helga Made Me Realize

Yes, was looking around at ArnoldxHelga stuff on Tumblr because I was thinking about the Jungle Movie... well... more specifically a certain post that I also shared...

...but mainly this little bit:
"But when she realizes that her locket may be the key (no pun intended, of course 😝) to reviving the sick, Helga puts her feelings of fear and pride aside to help Arnold and the Green-Eyed children by revealing it and allowing Arnold to use it (even letting him hold it, no less) in place of the Corazón. By this point, even though she knew that Arnold knew the truth about her feelings, Helga didn’t seem to really care anymore whether or not he would ever return them. All that mattered to her was Arnold’s happiness. And even though she knew she was showing how vulnerable she was by revealing her locket to Arnold, which showed him (and to Gerald) that she truly loved him (Arnold), Helga still did it because she felt it was the right thing to do. If she didn’t do this, she would probably never forgive herself for being so selfish and inconsiderate in Arnold’s greatest time of need.
Besides when she secretly helps him find Mr. Hyunh’s daughter and to save their neighborhood, giving up her locket to wake his parents is arguably the greatest moment when Helga has helped Arnold and selflessly put his needs and desires before her own. If that isn’t love, then I don’t know what is. ❤️ 💕"

At first, I wasn't sure why it moved me to tears but after that reality sunk in... not only did I appreciate this fandom a bit more, I had an important reality about myself... a kind that usually wouldn't even come through cartoon characters...

You see... I think the reason why I was bothered so much about all this is because of the selfishness that I mentioned in my now popular Meiko Mochi-SUE-ki post... I didn't realize until now that the reason why I feel kind of empty from time to time is because I still, in my own little way, put my own feelings before anyone else's even if it wasn't intentional.  I made a point about a fear of catering to my own needs, but I see that I still have a lot of work to do... and while I couldn't see myself in Helga, I do now.

What's even scarier is that I feel as if my whole relationship with even God himself was more of a fireman relationship instead of genuine love.  Sure, my father wasn't the best role model in that department, but I'm fucking twenty-three... for someone who's lived two decades, I sure suck at maturity.

Anyway... unless I care about someone just because I fucking want to... I doubt I'm going to go anywhere relationship-wise...

Thanks for hearing me out...